What Alex Jones and Robert Sarver have in common
In a culture that hates contrition, can we expect forgiveness?
Catechism of St Pius X
11 Q. What is contrition or sorrow for sins?
A. Contrition or sorrow for sin is a grief of the soul leading us to detest sins committed and to resolve not to commit them any more.
12 Q. What does the word contrition mean?
A. Contrition means a crushing or breaking up into pieces as when a stone is hammered and reduced to dust.
13 Q. Why is the name of contrition given to sorrow for sin?
A. The name of contrition is given to sorrow for sin to signify that the hard heart of the sinner is in a certain way crushed by sorrow for having offended God.
Let's talk about forgiveness.
Confronted on Thursday with the harm he had done by repeatedly lying on his Infowars radio and online show that Robbie Parker, whose daughter Emilie died in the massacre, was an actor, Mr. Jones erupted in a rant that drew a contempt threat by Judge Barbara Bellis of State Superior Court.
“Is this a struggle session? Are we in China? I’ve already said I’m sorry, and I’m done saying I’m sorry,” Mr. Jones responded, as his lawyer shouted objections.
He didn't sound sorry, did he?
"As a man of faith, I believe in atonement and the path to forgiveness," Sarver said in a statement Wednesday. "I expected that the commissioner's one-year suspension would provide the time for me to focus, make amends and remove my personal controversy from the teams that I and so many fans love.
"But in our current unforgiving climate, it has become painfully clear that that is no longer possible -- that whatever good I have done, or could still do, is outweighed by things I have said in the past. For those reasons, I am beginning the process of seeking buyers for the Suns and Mercury."
He doesn't sound sorry, either. He sounds ... entitled.
Something that has emerged over the last few years, in all the culture war foofraw about "cancel culture," is that American society lacks something important: A culture of forgiveness.
Sean Illing talked about this last year:
A recent tweet by the Atlantic writer Elizabeth Bruenig got me thinking about this in a different way. “As a society,” she wrote, “we have absolutely no coherent story — none whatsoever — about how a person who’s done wrong can atone, make amends, and retain some continuity between their life before and after the mistake.”
I think she’s right. We don’t have a coherent story about how a person who’s made a public misstep, or who’s been “canceled” for whatever reason, can find forgiveness. That’s a problem, and we don’t talk about it enough.
You know what? I think they're both right.
But I also think that's not quite the whole story.
We don't have a culture of forgiveness, no. But we don't really have a culture of contrition, either.
Certainly, anybody who follows politics closely knows that. We've all heard endless non-apology apologies that sometimes sound like a job interview where you're describing your greatest weakness -- I'm just too passionate, dammit! -- or that avoids dealing with whatever hurt the offender has caused: "If anybody was offended by what I say..." It never sounds genuine. Which often means that the person who was offended remains so.
And that doesn't even begin to touch on an increasingly Trumpist segment of society that seems to have decided -- in some precincts -- that apologies are signs of weakness. That giving offense, in fact, is a sign of strength, as long as you have the "right enemies."
If we don't have a culture where people can atone and make amends and move on with their lives, it's also the case that we don't have a culture that much encourages atonement and amends-making.
Which is understandable. I've fucked up and hurt people. It hurts like hell to acknowledge that you've fucked up -- there's a strong instinct to blame somebody else, or to insist that the people who got their feelings hurt are simply wrong. Sometimes, those things are even true. It's human to want to hide from culpability. It doesn't feel good, especially if there's a price to be paid.
Embracing that culpability can feel like being broken up into pieces -- your sense of yourself as a good person! an anti-racist! an ally! -- as when a stone is hammered into dust.
And all of this is complicated by the fact that forgiveness is essentially an act of mercy -- a gift of grace. One can make amends and hope for forgiveness. But "expecting" it as Sarver does? It's a bit much.
In my most idealistic moments, I think forgiveness should be offered even if contrition isn't forthcoming, if only as a benefit to the person doing the forgiving. And I also think amends should be offered without any expectation of forgiveness.
In reality, developing one culture probably means developing the other. Forgiveness and contrition go hand-in-hand.